2012 Midseason Preview: CBS & FOX

2012 Midseason Preview: CBS & FOX

Jim Nantz proudly announced, during Saturday's Broncos-Bills game, that seventeen of the top twenty shows on television air on CBS with just a hint of smugness in his tone. After all, CBS is The Most Watched Network in the United States of America. Where else could Americans find generic procedurals to watch, or trite sitcoms? The press release for their midseason schedule's predictably smug and self-congratulatory because they're a stable network with consistent hits. Somehow, someway, they found a spot for the sitcom America's been asking for for two decades: the Rob Schneider show. And that's it. Any Rules of Engagement fan will need to wait until the Rob show is cancelled to watch new episodes.

Meanwhile, FOX will debut at least one interesting series. Awake's been permanently delayed because of struggles related to sustaining the concept in an episodic structure, which is a shame because Awake sounds so cool. American Idol will return in January to wash the bad taste of The X Factor out of the mouths of singing-competition fans everywhere. I Hate My Teenage Daughter ISN'T cancelled. Indeed, the series will return with new episodes in the New Year.

Read on for individual previews:

CBS

¡ROB!

Created By Lew Morton & Rob Schneider

Premiere Date: Thursday, January 12 at 8:30PM

Premise: (From CBS Press Release, November 2011) ¡ROB!, a new comedy starring Rob Schneider as a lifelong bachelor who just married into a tight-knit Mexican-American family

Thoughts: I watched the CBS produced preview for Rob Schneider's series. One of the actors told America not to be frightened by a show centered on Mexican-Americans. America won't be frightened by Mexican-Americans. No, they will be frightened that someone greenlit a series co-created by Rob Schneider--an actor who hasn't made anyone but Adam Sandler laugh in 20 years. The few clips shown in the video were terribly unfunny. Expect sight gags like Ro Schneider accidentally knocking over a candle display, then pull his pants down to mime masturbation, followed by his wife's grandmother bursting into the room and reacting in horror, and then Rob and the grandmother wind up in a doggie-style position as the rest of the family watches in shock. Rob also is OCD. The touching and affection of his wife's family is the last thing OCD Rob wants. It's not funny.

Chance of Weekly Review: 0%

FOX

THE FINDER

Created By Hart Hanson

Premiere Date: Thursday, January 12 at 9PM

Premise: (From FOX Press Release, December 2011) THE FINDER is a one-hour procedural centering on a remarkable man with an extraordinary ability to help people find the unfindable.

Thoughts: BONES actually aired "The Finder" pilot during its sixth season. I used quotations around the title because that's the episode title. Geoff Stults stars as the remarkable man who can find the unfindable. This remarkable man has its eccentricities. For example, he plays with toys; however, he's a man who'll find anything. I suppose the toys assist him in the process of finding the unfindable. The cast seems fun. The week-to-week stories should be fun. I'm sure there'll be dramatic elements introduced. It seems like a fun and adventurous show. Fans of BONES should like this.

Chance of Weekly Review: 0%

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

Created By Jered Hess, Joshua Hess & Mike Scully

Premiere Date: Sunday, January 15 at 8:30PM

Premise: (From FOX Press Release, December 2011) Featuring the voices of the original cast, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE follows the continuing adventures of America's most awesomely awkward teenager and his quirky family and friends, as they navigate small-town life in rural Idaho.

Thoughts: Napoleon Dynamite returns in animated fashion to our hearts and minds. Honestly, I never longed for a continuation of the Napoleon Dynamite narrative. I enjoyed the movie. I disliked the movie in subsequent re-watches. The previews for the series promises the exact same scenes and jokes we saw in the movie. Now, though, the characters never age, so Napoleon will deal with the same problems season after season, and he'll regurgitate the same beloved quotes that got old four months after the release of the movie because people wouldn't stop quoting them. The half-hour, weekly format allows the writers to showcase the characters I never cared about in the movie even more, like the grandmom and the uncle and the brother's marriage.

Chance of Weekly Review: 0%

ALCATRAZ

Created By Steven Wynbrandt, Elizabeth Sarnoff & Steven Lilien

Premiere Date: Monday, January 16 at 8PM (Regular Timeslot will be Mondays at 9PM)

Premise: (From FOX Press Release, December 2011) The mysterious drama stars Sarah Jones ("Sons of Anarchy"), Jorge Garcia ("Lost") and Sam Neill ("Jurassic Park") as a unique team investigating the shocking reappearance of Alcatraz's most notorious prisoners, 50 years after they vanished.

Thoughts: YouTube has several 30 second Alcatraz promos designed to intrigue the viewer into watching. This is a JJ Abrams production, which means secrecy is very important. Of course, I have little insight into the show. I know time-travel's involved. I'm excited about the show. I trust in Sarnoff to not literally ripoff LOST like Kitsis and Horowitz are on Once Upon a Time.

Chance of Weekly Review: 88%

TOUCH

Created By Tim Kring

Special Preview: Wednesday, January 25 at 9PM

Premise: (From FOX Press Release, December 2011) The uplifting drama, which makes its series premiere Monday, March 19 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT), features Sutherland as a widower and single father haunted by an inability to connect to his mute 11-year-old son. But everything changes when he discovers that his son possesses the gift of staggering genius - the ability to see things that no one else can and the patterns that connect seemingly unrelated events.

Thoughts: Tim Kring returns to television for the first time since HEROES ended. Dare I trust another Tim Kring series when the last one sucked so much? I hope Kring runs his writers’ room differently for Touch. The narrative's built on mathematics, a pattern, connections, consistency. Heroes didn't have a pattern; the connections were half-assed; consistency disappeared mid-way through season one. I'm genuinely intrigued though. FOX conveniently left the bulk of the narrative vague. For instance, what kind of path is Sutherland following? What is the purpose of the kid and Glover? Well, I'll need to watch on January 25. If I like the series, I'll need to watch once more on March 19. So, I'll give the show a shot. I might even write about it.

Chance of Weekly Review: 50%

BREAKING IN

Created By Adam F. Goldberg

What Season? 2

Premiere Date: Tuesday, March 6 at 8:30PM

Thoughts: This WAS cancelled, and then it wasn't.

Chance of Weekly Review: 0%

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