The WB teenage drama became the bane of my teenage years though. Indeed, I watched Dawson's Creek and Everwood. I watched Joss Whedon's awesome supernatural dramas, Buffy & ANGEL, on DVD. The portrayals of these teenage characters, as written by male and female writers in their mid-to-late 30s, or their 40s, were terribly influential. I thought the key to any girl's heart were sweeping monologue and overwrought displays of emotion, or a heartfelt letter comparing one's looks to a golden sunset on a summer. If things went wrong, I thought it normal to flare nostrils and gesture wildly with my limbs (I never actually behaved like this). Life isn't a teenage melodrama though. While high school can be melodramatic, it does not resemble a series penned by a group of well-off writers in Hollywood. No, high school is BORING. School dances rarely had the drama and excitement of a Dawson's Creek prom episode.
Today, I present a sort-of list of the pitfalls of the fictional teenage character on a teenage melodrama, or, rather, a how-to-date guide for fictional characters. I'll track the relationships of various fictional characters from first meeting through the inevitable dramatic break-up in front of the entire class, or on a beach where both characters are somehow reverential in spite of the break-up.
MEETING
Everwood's Amy and Ephram met when Amy needed Ephram's brilliant neurosurgeon father to operate on her comatose boyfriend. Dawson and Joey met as children and reenacted Spielberg films together. Pacey and Joey met through Dawson Leery. Angel initially stalked Buffy before properly introducing himself as a cocky and arrogant dude. Spike and Buffy met when he tried to kill her and everyone she loved at PTA night. Surprisingly, the Dawson's Creek characters met in the least dramatic way. Amy was a complete flirt and tease when she introduced herself to Ephram. The girl complimented his purple hair! Ephram stood in the hall, mouth agape, unsure which direction, his world thoroughly EXPLODED because Amy Abbott talked to him.
Stalking and deception worked for the majority of the characters listed. Indeed, a dramatic entrance will only entice the person a fictional character's interested in. For example, I watched ABC Family's The Lying Game on Monday night. An attractive woman with dirty blonde hair had a dramatic conversation with her boyfriend. We learned about the boyfriend's lies and deceit. The boyfriend blamed the girl's dad for killing his mom during surgery. The boyfriend moved to the new town, under a false name, intentionally met the girl, all in hopes of revenge against her father. What isn't dramatic and over-the-top about that meeting? THAT's how you meet the girl of your dreams, friends-and-well-wishers.
THE COURTSHIP
One could use the nonsense term 'predating' for this category instead of courtship. This is the period of time before the first date. In some cases, the characters take several seasons to have a first date. Other times, they don't take several seasons. It all depends on the show runner, and the writers, to determine how much time they want to waste before coupling two characters that are destined to be with one another.
The two vampires of the Buffyverse, Angel and Spike, were different during the courting period with Buffy Summers. In the case of Spike, no courting happened, because he was a soulless vampire. Spike's idea of romance was taking Buffy to an abandoned house, chain her to the wall, and not let her go until she confessed her deep, romantic feelings for him. Angel ascribed to the old adage about honesty being the best policy. "Angel" concluded with the iconic image of Buffy's crucifix burned into his chest after their first kiss. Angel revealed his vampiric nature to her, and after three acts of freaking out Buffy decided she would trust Angel. The tortured lovers kissed and a legendary romance began.
The first season of Dawson's Creek is about Joey's pursuit of Dawson Leery (I wrote about the entire season during the summer of 2011). I argued that Williamson portrayed authentic teens despite their sophisticated vernacular. Joey's completely passive-aggressive with Dawson. Dawson's absolutely clueless, too wrapped up in Jen Lindley to give his childhood friend a second glance. Whenever Joey tries to be honest about her feelings, she became choked and unable to. Dawson, such a student of subtext, completely missed the subtext of whatever Joey said. It's not until Dawson sees Joey compete for the Miss Windjammer competition that he sees Joey as more than just a friend. Meanwhile, in season three, Pacey and Joey's paths to each other is quite different. I'll just write this: there's a wall, ballroom dancing, and a sailboat.
Amy and Ephram's roads to one another were complicated. Colin Hart, Amy's boyfriend, emerged from his coma. Colin died at the end of season 1. Amy fell into a depression. Ephram wanted to be a good friend to her, but he acknowledged that he couldn't be whatever she wanted him to be, because it hurt him. For example, in "Blind Faith," Amy and Ephram went to a diner milkshakes. Ephram learned that Amy came to him after her friend blew her off for a boy. Ephram flipped. They later danced at a wedding, but Amy told him she couldn't be what he wanted her to be. Ephram met Madison. Amy met Tommy. Both relationships didn't work out. One night, in early spring, Ephram and Amy traveled to Denver. Ephram knew that Amy liked him. He contrived a situation where Amy had to be honest. Amy sniffed out the plan and felt hurt and embarrassed that he'd be so careless with her feelings. Ephram, once again, FLIPPED OUT, and yelled that 'You've played me....well, NOW I PLAYED YOU!"
THE FIRST DATE
Of course, Amy and Ephram got together two episodes later. On a sun-drenched day in fictional Everwood (real location: Salt Lake City, Utah), their first date happened on the top of a mountain. Ephram prepared a picnic, complete with tuna sandwiches. Ephram and Amy have an honest conversation that concludes with a kiss and a RELATIONSHIP.
Dawson and Joey's first date is sort-of disastrous. I wrote about the episode during the summer. Joey's neurotic about their second kiss because her sister, Bessie, talks up the second kiss like it's something so monumental that the date will rise or fall with it. Jen, whose grandfather died the night before, transformed into a clingy ex-girlfriend. Joey was PISSED. Dawson, that do-gooder, tried to appease new girlfriend and old girlfriend, and nearly derailed the night in the process. Dawson took Joey to the Rialto on its final night where they watched The Last Picture Show, a film Dawson will eventually use to make Joey feel guilty in a third season episode. Joey's also regretful for bypassing an all-expenses paid trip abroad to Paris to study. The first date ends well, though, after Dawson treats Jen horribly. Dawson praises the French for their kissing method. Dawson and Joey then makeout as the camera's disgustingly close, which leaves NOTHING to the imagination. In sum: their first date had the necessary melodrama for a fictional teenage romance.
Angel and Buffy don't have a traditional first date. I'd argue their dates consisted of slaying vampires late at night in the cemetery, followed by long kissing sessions and polite conversation. Spike and Buffy never dated. Spike took advantage of Buffy's state-of-mind and self-esteem and engaged her in sadomasochistic sex in abandoned houses, and in clubs. Their relationship was unhealthy whereas Angel and Buffy's relationship was healthy, except for the period of time when he lost his soul and brutally murdered some of Buffy's friends, as well as verbally abused his former beloved.
HOW TO REACT WHEN SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG
This section could be novella-length (it won't be). When doesn't something go horribly wrong on a teenage melodrama, or an awesome show about a vampire slayer? There are six seasons of Dawson's Creek, four seasons of Everwood, and seven seasons of BtVS, which means plenty of shit went wrong for our couples.
Relationships go horribly wrong in Dawson's Creek more oft than not. Dawson and Joey broke up in #206 after Jack kissed Joey. Dawson and Joey reunited in #220, only for Joey to break Leery's heart in #222. In #301, Joey tried to seduce Dawson, but he rejected her. Joey ran from Leery Manor in embarrassment. When Dawson wanted to be with Joey again, she wasn't available, and then vice versa. Their drama became unbearable and frustration. Not once did the character behave with class when something horrible went wrong. Usually, Dawson berated Joey in front of their whole school at a dance; he basically called his childhood best friend a heartless harlot. In #320, Joey confessed her feelings for Witter. Dawson told her that she'll need to choose between Pacey and himself because he won't be a consolation prize for Joey when Pacey breaks her, which HE WILL DO. I'm going to write about this scene at length in several months. I'll just say that Dawson resembles a serial killer throughout the horrible display of emotion. In season five, Dawson's father passed away. Dawson BLAMED Joey Potter for the death, because if she hadn't called him in #501 then he wouldn't have come to Boston; he wouldn't have gone to Capeside afterwards; he wouldn't have used the last of the milk, forcing his father to make a milk run late at night. Dawson is a bastard.
Ephram never reacted well to anything horrible happening between him and Amy. Ephram never used his inside voice with Amy. After Ephram's onslaught of noise and words concluded, Amy stood tearfully, visibly shaken by Ephram's tone, or her own selfish behavior which hurt Mr. nice guy E. Brown. Ephram's worst outbursts never involved Amy though. His other girlfriend, Madison, told him about their baby, who was given away for adoption. Ephram didn't know about the pregnancy until it was too late to influence any crucial decisions. Ephram berated Madison, then his father, before breaking up with Amy. He sold every piece of expensive music equipment to fund a trip through Europe where he aimed to clear his head and re-assess his life.
Buffy killed Angel when he lost his soul. Buffy tried to kill Spike on several occasions. In season three, after Angel returned from hell, he and Buffy grew close once more; however, their future wasn't promising and he left for a life of atoning for his past in the city of Angels.
THE BIG HIGH SCHOOL DANCE
The important high school dance is a staple of melodramas. Dawson's Creek used the dance setting in five of the six seasons. Everwood used the dance setting in 2 of 4. Buffy used the dance setting in 1 of 7 because Joss Whedon wasn't writing a teenage melodrama.
Dawson and Joey had dramatic moments in four of the six 'dance' episodes. In season 1, they danced a wonderfully choreographed number; it was the only time I ever thought Beek and Holmes had good chemistry. #206 is a seminal episode in Dawson's Creek because of the break-up. None of the characters actually dance. Dawson yells at Joey. Joey looks anguished. Dawson punched Jack in the face. Season 3's "The Anti-Prom" was about an anti-prom arranged by Dawson Leery because Capeside wouldn't let Jack bring a male date to the prom. However, Dawson never gave a shit about Jack--it was just an event he could use to make Joey feel really bad about not wanting to date him. At one point, Dawson's storming away from the anti-prom, with Joey following him, and he turns around and breathes fire at her, shouting, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?" Holy shit, Leery, settle the bleep down. Season 4's "Promicide" featured less homicidal Dawson Leery but more of a terribly cruel Pacey Witter. Witter's teardown of Joey Potter is included in a From Autumn To Ashes song. Like Dawson, Pacey blames Joey for all of his problems. I'll just show you the ugly scene:
Joey's the heartbreaker in season six's 'dance' episode. Joey bonded with her professor's teenage daughter. The teenage daughter's school needed chaperones for the high school dance. Joey and Pacey agreed to chaperone. Now, both were wandering back into 'something' with each other. They just spent an entire night locked inside of a K-Mart where they rekindled old feelings. Unfortunately for Pacey, EDDIE returned to Boston. Joey cannot resist tertiary characters portrayed by Kate Hudson's brother. At the dance, Pacey and Joey slow dance together. Joey uses the dance to break Witter's heart. She LEAVES him MID-DANCE.
The dances in Everwood are more joyful. Amy's nice to Ephram. There are no insults. The one 'dance' episode of BtVS is sentimental and sweet. Buffy's given the 'Class Protector' award. Angel shows in time for Buffy's perfect prom moment--a dance.
THE BREAK-UP(S)
Break-ups are messy, especially in Dawson's Creek. The end of relationships in Everwood were quiet; Irv usually provided beautiful narration following the end of a relationship. Amy found comfort in her family and friends. Ephram handled it with grace and class. Dawson's Creek is an entirely different story. Dawson tries to murder Pacey after a break up; Joey ALWAYS looks anguished; personal property gets destroyed; folk imbibe; guilt trips happen.
Of course, Dawson's Creek is the lone melodrama I wrote about today. Everwood is actually a family drama, but had elements of melodrama. Relationships aren't portrayed much differently from what I wrote about today, on television (the exception being the Taylor marriage in FNL). In sum, the behaviors of those in love on television drams are mostly reprehensible. Never act like them in your day-to-day interactions with people and spouses.
THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK
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