Once Upon A Time "True North" Review

My parents used to rent these fairy tale adaptations, from the now-defunct West Coast Video store, for my sister and me. I adored these children's adaptations of fairy tales. I recall vividly the Jack and The Beanstalk video, as well as the creepy nightingale adaptation. I watched the Hansel & Gretel adaptation most of all. I recall certain scenes vividly. I even recall certain sounds, like the sound of the father chopping wood in the forest, the rustle of the leaves as the children walked through the forest, the crackle of the fire in the witch's house, the sound of the candy house, and the whispers between Hansel and Gretel as they fretted over their immediate future and their painful past. After all, their father DID abandon them. I remember how wonderfully the adaptation ended, with a reunion between the father and his children after he kicked the evil stepmother to the curb. The sun shone across the forest, casting a golden euphoria over matters.

"True North" is Once Upon a Time's adaptation of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale. Kitsis, Horowitz, and their talented group of writers, took bits and pieces from the fairy tale, told the same story in the present with crappier graphics, and used the themes to create a bit of unnecessary future drama between Henry and Emma. Emma Caulfield guest-starred as the blind witch and was utterly wasted. The effects were horrible in the fairy tale story. David H. Goodman and Liz Tigelaar failed miserably in balancing the tones of the episode. Maybe we're supposed to take both worlds seriously, which is hard when the fairy tale world looks like a high school AV club film; it looks campy and the acting is campy as well as the lines. Meanwhile, the present day narrative's all about the horrors of the foster care system, the pain of a child who grows up without a parent in his or her life, and the struggle to reconcile those truths in day-to-day existence. There were tonal inconsistencies, weird creative choices, and a truly horrendous rendering of the fairy tale world.

Personally, I love the original tale of Hansel and Gretel, as documented already. I'm absolutely biased about the best way to tell the story. I think the series truly screwed up in "True North." One of the problems was the amount of narrative the series tried to tell in 41 minutes. The fairy tale itself has enough story for 41 minutes. The writers need to service several story threads each week, though, which limits their ability to service the actual story. So they decided to tell a fairly generic story, using the fairy tale as a jumping off point, even though something significant happened (but not really) in the fairy tale world. So what went wrong?

Well, the basics of the story were altered. The children and the father were separated. The evil stepmother didn't exist. The forest was property of the evil queen. Hansel and Gretel left their father to collect kindling for the fire. The father disappeared when they returned. The children went to the forest road and ran into the queen and her men. The queen pardoned their trespass in exchange for a favor, or request, or order. The children needed to sneak into the blind witch's candy house and retrieve a satchel. The Evil Queen promised she'd find their father if they were successful. The children went to the house, were locked in jail for five minutes, escaped and easily put the witch into the oven. Gretel showed tremendous presence of mind, spirit, will and determination while Hansel eyed the candy like a dog eyes human food. The satchel contained the poisonous red apple. The Evil Queen repaid the children by tossing them into a dense forest, far away from their father.

I understood the parallels between Gretel and Emma. Both are blonds with strong wills. I also understood the parallels between the stories because one would be a fool not to understand the parallels. The fairy tale children and Emma thought their parent/parents abandoned them. Neither knew the parents were victims of something bigger, hindered by the evil queen. The children parentless in Storybrooke, so Emma took it upon herself to find their father. For Emma, the situation represented a chance for her to perform an act no one performed for her. Also, Emma had the opportunity to deal with her feelings, considering she lives with her mother (for non-OUAN readers, just go with it) who is the same age as she. AND Emma and Henry communicated on a deeper level, because she once gave him up for adoption. Henry wanted to know about his father. Emma lied about him so her son would perceive him as a hero. Later, Emma and Mary conversed about these issues of foster care and abandonment and nothing was achieved.

The Storybrooke narrative felt like a Lifetime movie-of-the-week. Whenever the issues of child-care, adoptive services, or foster care were discussed, it was with passion and intensity. Regina told Emma that she informed child services about the orphaned children. Emma's search for the father became more frantic. Once found, though, the man was reluctant to accept his role as their father; his reluctance begat more conversation about abandonment, foster care and the responsibilities of a parent. The father finally embraced his role near the border of the town. People aren't allowed to leave or come to the town. Emma's car broke down while following the mayor's order to take the children to Boston where they'd be placed with child services, which is how the dad earned one final shot to make the right call. The story came to its natural conclusion, though it was quite boring and repetitive.

"True North" ended with the arrival of a stranger. Things continue to change in Storybrooke (or Booke). The big clock's hands finally moved. Now, a stranger rode in on a motorcycle and didn't even give Emma or Henry a name. I hope the arrival of the stranger is more exciting than the first nine episodes.

Some other thoughts:

-Emma Caulfield deserved better. The blind witch slept, woke up, reiterated her peckishness, tried to cook Hansel, and then wound up in the oven. Ms. Caulfield entertained and delighted me for nearly five seasons on Buffy as Anya. It might be time to re-watch "Selfless."

-I barely wrote about the horrible graphics. I'm not sure I can adequately describe how horrible they are. One scene exemplifies the unintentional camp and the horrific graphics: the blind witch is in the oven, we move through a mirror into the green-screen queen's room where she throws fire through the mirror and into the oven. Think Super Nintendo graphics--that's the best a big budget ABC drama can muster.

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