How I Met Your Mother "Farhampton" Review

The mother of Ted's children, and presumably his wife, has a yellow umbrella for when it rains, as well as a guitar. The night of Barney's and Robin's wedding, her and Ted took a train from Farhampton to somewhere. Of course, that happens a little ways down the road, because eight years into the show and Future Ted still hasn't figured out how to tell a story. "Farhampton" begins with a story of pre-future-but-still-future-of-Ted's that he tells an innocent elderly woman who made a passing harmless remark about Ted's dress, so Ted launched into the tale of what happened ten hours ago. Robin wanted to leave through a window as the moment of holy matrimony bore down on her, but, you see, we, the audience, needed to go back to May 2012 to where we left off. Future Ted barges in on pre-future-but-still-future-Ted to take us back to present Ted and the wacky misadventures of leaving town with a woman who left the altar to be with him.

How I Met Your Mother still sucks, my friends and well-wishers. Marshall and Lily's new baby nonsense did not get off to a promising start. The Quinn-Barney engagement is a ticking time bomb which will probably blow up around one of the sweeps periods. With the way Bays and Thomas drag their feet, though, it could be November 2013 sweeps. Robin still has nothing to do except pick her teeth, be ignored by a sleep deprived Lily and Marshall, and have a random boyfriend with abs she wants to lick 24/7. The season eight premiere essentially puts the button on the season seven finale; complete with the same annoying Mother teases that haven't been exciting for, eh, three seasons.

The forward momentum of season eight has yet to happen, unless one really looks forward to the tale of how Robin and Barney found their way back to one another. Back in May I theorized about the significance of the Barney-Quinn engagement in regards to the character development of Barney Stinson, assuming Bays and Thomas planned ahead and chose to engage Barney and Quinn for a reason. Barney's decision to propose marriage was a triumphantly mature moment for the character. It marked real growth in a character that'd become a caricature right around the episode after he and Robin broke up. Robin looked genuinely heart-broken by the news of Barney's commitment to Quinn. The beats had to mean something, right?

The story of Victoria and Klaus is meant to juxtapose Barney and Robin. Barney's decision to propose marriage to Quinn may or may not be significant to the character's personal arc. Through one episode of season eight, the engagement seems like a plot contrivance meant to trick the audience in the finale, which failed miserably of course, as anyone who's watched the show saw the wedding between Robin and Barney coming since they hooked up that one time. Barney and Robin play their roles well through their storyline. Barney claims he wiped out every last piece of evidence of their relationship while Robin boasts about her aforementioned boyfriend with the six-pack abs. Quinn threatens to end the engagement once she learns about Barney's past with Robin, but Robin makes a spirited pitch which saves the relationship. Neither wants to admit they're right for each other, because it's a mutual truth that hurts too much to accept, especially when they're so far from where they want to be with each other.

Ted's planned exodus with Victoria is tiresome and unoriginal and lazy because Mosby insists Victoria leave an "I'm leaving you" note as it is common courtesy. Bays and Thomas stereotype Germans the same way they stereotyped Russians last season. There are visual gags and a surprising twist: Klaus is ALSO fleeing the wedding. Ted tracks Klaus down to the Farhampton station out of curiosity (after switching the notes to make it seem like Victoria's the victim). The fateful plot point between a stereotyped German character and Ted Mosby is a contrivance; hell, Klaus is a plot device. It's deflating that a crucial moment for the show's most important character is dependent on a stereotyped German plot device.

After a run of German words, because the sound of the German language is hilarious for the HIMYM writing team, the plot device gets to the point: he isn't marrying Victoria because she's not the one for him. Does Ted have a woman who makes him feel like she's the one without him even thinking? Oh no, because Ted hesitates when answering. Victoria isn't it. The plot device's monologue happens over a series of shots of the characters. Marshall and Lily's new family is a symbol of the love the plot device and Mosby seek; Robin tearfully looking through the box of mementos of her relationship with Barney, and Barney looking out of the window forlornly signifies their mutual love for each other, whereas Ted's just with a distraction; and he's keeping Victoria from the person she's meant to be with. After all, the plot device believes everyone has their special and destined someone.

And that is where the episode essentially ends. "Farhampton" is a mostly terrible episode, except for the rare times Jason Segel was allowed to be funny. The same old nonsense continues to be written. There is speculation about season eight being the last. I don't believe it for a second. The possibility of a final season won't improve the storytelling. Don't think the mother tease is a guarantee she'll be introduced by season's end. Carter Bays and Craig Thomas haven't demonstrated an ability construct arcs or tell good stories for three seasons now, and season eight won't be any different.

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