Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jacob's Cabin: A List and dreams about LOST.

Written by Chris Monigle

"Time present and time past
are both perhaps present in time future,
and time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
all time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
remaining a perpetual possibility
only in a world of speculation.
Footfalls echo in the memory
down the passage which we did not take
towards the door we never opened
into the rose-garden. My words echo
thus, in your mind."
--"Burnt Norton"--T.S. Eliot.

Words of T.S. Eliot about time. Seemed appropriate for season five of LOST.

I did not sleep like a baby last night. No, indeed. I fell asleep after watching a bit of the season five Buffy episode 'Spiral,' written by Steven S. DeKnight. And then the dreams began. It happens every year around season finale time and season premiere time. I dream of LOST. I remember after the season four finale I dreamed immediately about the season five premiere which focused on Claire (that obviously didn't happen). Before the season four finale, I had several dreams in which I watched the finale. I dreamt about LOST during season one, season two, season three, season four, and am still dreaming and will probably continue to do so until the series wraps up this time next year. So, last night, another dream occured. In this one, I couldn't get my cable box to turn to ABC. Everytime I tried, it went to a different channel. I did witness, in the dream, about 10 minutes of the Journey In Time special to be hosted by Lindelof and Cuse tomorrow; however, I couldn't get to LOST. My subconcious was freaking out, frantically trying to change the channel only to fail each and every time. And then I woke up and, literally, breathed a sigh of relief. But here we are: one day from the season five finale. I always love this time of the year even though it means there won't be any new LOST until January. 8 months. It is tough. I'm a season veteran though. It is even bittersweet this time because this will be the last 8 month hiatus of the show. Only 17 episodes left after tomorrow's finale. However, this neither the time nor the place to discuss season six. The season five finale is tomorrow! I am stoked for it to say the least and that's pretty much all I have to say about the finale at this point. I don't really want to write any sort of preview for it (I do want to go on record saying that I think life will imitate art in regards to the specific scene we know Hurley changed from Star Wars...in some form). But there will be no preview for 'The Incident.' Instead, I'm going to dive into the world of odd numbered lists and count down some things LOST for my readership of 750,000.


Last week, in my recap of 'Follow The Leader,' I previewed this list a bit by calling Phil a so and so. In addition to that, I named some more so and sos. What exactly is a so and so you ask? Quite simply, a so and so, in the context of LOST, are the people who annoyed me and that I do not like. Most are the bad guys, villains and then others are people just mean and annoying. So I thought it'd be fantastic to list the top 9 so and sos on LOST. Number one denotes the worst so and so of them all. LET IT BEGIN!

9. Charles Widmore

[caption id="attachment_471" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="He's a so and so but he's not all bad."]He's a so and so but he's not all bad.[/caption]

The only person on the list of so and sos who is on the official LOST rankings. Why he is number nine? Let's see: always hated Desmond, planted fake wreckage of Oceanic 815 so he could send a boat with Martin Keamy and his band of mercenary friends to kill everybody on the Island, killed an Other in 1954 so he wouldn't say anything to Locke, and he didn't turn off a faucet when he was finished washing his hands in 'Flashes Before Your Eyes.' Widmore has his flaws but he's not all bad. He's responsible for bringing Faraday and Miles to the Island, helped Locke with Abbadon. But he is a so and so which is why he's number 9.

8. Cassidy

[caption id="attachment_466" align="alignnone" width="180" caption="Gotta stop blaming Sawyer for everything, Cassidy. Not cool."]Gotta stop blaming Sawyer for everything, Cassidy. Not cool.[/caption]

Never cared for Cassidy. She was introduced to the world in season two's 'The Long Con.' Sawyer conned her and got her pregnant. Ever since then she has been anti-Sawyer. Everything since then has been fueled by her hatred for Sawyer. But she never stopped to think about the huge sum of money Sawyer gave to Clementine after his deal with the Warden. Nope. Instead, she was entirely 'woe is me,' trying to con people using THE SAME CON SAWYER TAUGHT HER! In season five, she kept insisting upon the idea that Kate didn't really care about Aaron at all but, rather, she needed Aaron to fill the hole left by Sawyer, to mend the heart that Sawyer broke. Oh yeah, he really broke Kate's heart by jumping out of a helicopter to save his friends lives. But, again, Cassidy isn't all bad, folks. She did help Kate get some measure of peace with her mother regardless of the fact that Kate's mom told her to get lost (i'm paraphrasing).

7. Mr. Paik

[caption id="attachment_467" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="Nearly destroyed Sun and Jin's marriage. What a so and so."]Nearly destroyed Sun and Jin's marriage. What a so and so.[/caption]

The father of Sun. This so and so nearly destroyed the union of Sun and Jin, forcing Jin into a violent profession. Sure Jin wanted honor but he tried to quit after Mr. Paik told him to take care of someone who stealing from him (yes the someone was Jae, the man who Sun was cheating on Jin with). Mr Paik had the misfortune of walking in on that. But all-in-all, Mr. Paik is just annoying. Always intimidated Jin. He got his when Sun bought half of the shares in the company. 

6. Phil

[caption id="attachment_472" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="Come on, Phil. It's not cool to hit a lady."]Come on, Phil. It's not cool to hit a lady.[/caption]

You never like the paranoid dude. Ever since Phil gave Jack that look in 'Namaste' I knew he'd turn into a problem. And turn into a problem he did. He discovered Kate and Sawyer as the people who took Ben to the Others. His status as a so and so is now solidified after hitting Juliet in the face. I don't think he'll have a happy ending when/if Sawyer encounters him. 

5. Thomas

[caption id="attachment_473" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="Did nothing good for Claire"]Did nothing good for Claire[/caption]

What a so and so Thomas is. I was very, very tempted to place him in the top three but there are characters more deserving. Thomas is a big so and so though. Thomas is, of course, the former love of Claire. He is the father of Aaron but Aaron will never meet his father because his father is a so and so. He had no problem being around Claire when the two were having sex but once she got pregnant it was a different story. At first, he was gung-ho to raise the baby with Claire, telling her that he and she could do it. And then he reneged on his word and left Claire alone with a baby in her belly, accusing Claire of getting pregnant on purpose. What a so and so.

4. Ethan Rom

[caption id="attachment_468" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="Kidnapped Claire and nearly killed Charlie. Shame shame."]Kidnapped Claire and nearly killed Charlie. Shame shame.[/caption]

I proclaimed Ethan as the number one so and so in the 'Follow The Leader' recap but he isn't. He's in the top five which makes him pretty bad. Ethan posed as a survivor of Oceanic 815 (just like Goodwin did but Goodwin never harmed Claire). Hurley discovered he wasn't on the manifest after Ethan began giving shots to Claire as she slept. He ended up kidnapping her and hanging Charlie from a tree. He killed Scott or Steve (inside joke of an inside joke). He beat up Jack. According to Juliet, he acted on his own but who knows. I think Ben had something to do with it but I digress. He also shot Locke as Locke shifted through time. But really he's four for kidnapping Claire and drugging her in The Arrow. If not for that, he wouldn't have made the list.

3. Danny Pickett

[caption id="attachment_465" align="alignnone" width="150" caption="Always yelled and hit things. A true so and so."]Always yelled and hit things. A true so and so.[/caption]

Good ol' Pickett and his love for yelling and hitting. We met good ol' Danny Pickett in season two's 'Three Minutes.' He was urinating when Michael, who was looking for Walt, approached him with a gun. Pickett's first lines were very smart-ass, saying 'I know you. You're Walt's old man!' He helped Tom capture Michael. After that, he made it his personal mission to annoy the hell out of every fan of LOST as well as Sawyer and Kate. The one thing Pickett loved to do was beat Sawyer. He loved yelling at him too. Pickett wanted to kill Sawyer as well. But he never was able to. Juliet shot him before he could shoot Sawyer. Of course, what set Pickett over the edge was the fact Sun killed his wife. But before that, he yelled and yelled and hit and hit. Pickett was a true so and so.

2. Martin Keamy

[caption id="attachment_469" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="The reason why I have seen Claire just THRICE in a year."]The reason why I have seen Claire just THRICE in a year.[/caption]

He blew up the house Claire was napping in. That's strike one. He killed redshirts in the same assault on new Otherton. Oh yeah, he also killed Alex in cold blood. AND he strapped a heart monitor jawn to his arm so that when he died the Kahuna would blow up. The Kahuna blowing up nearly killed Jin, and did kill Michael, as well as innocent boathands. He wanted to kill every single person on the Island. He killed the Captain (I thought the Captain was awesome!). He killed the Doctor who was also the doctor on ANGEL. It was awesome when Sayid fought Keamy which ended in Richard shooting Keamy a few times. Because of his actions I've seen Claire a total of THREE TIMES in one year. Yeah...that's about it. What a so and so.

1. Anthony Cooper

[caption id="attachment_470" align="alignnone" width="250" caption="The truest so and so of them all."]The truest so and so of them all.[/caption]

Not only did he con his own son out of a kidney and push him out of an eight storie building which paralyzing his own son but he also conned Sawyer's family, which resulted in Sawyer's father killing his mother and himself. Because of this, Sawyer ended up killing an innocent man who he thought was Sawyer (because Hibbs told him it was). Cooper damaged his own thorougly. Locke was consumed by what his father did that he ruined the relationship with the only woman who ever loved him. He ripped up Sawyer's letter in 'The Brig.' The man did not have a remorseful bone in his body.

There it is! The top 9 so and sos in LOST! Wasn't that enjoyable, folks?

During the summer I'll probably do some more lists like this. The next entry will be about the season finale, folks. And it will be epic. There will even be annotated rankings. Very exciting. Until then, enjoy 'The Incident.'

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Originally, I titled the blog Jacob's Foot after the giant foot that Jacob inhabited in LOST. That ended. It became TV With The Foot in 2010. I wrote about a lot of TV.