2014 Fall TV Preview: the Returning Shows on NBC

I’ve reached the end of yet another Fall TV preview. It was, by far, the least successful in the blog’s history. I am on my way, friends and well-wishers. NBC has Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show, which is about all that’s positive for the network.

THE BLACKLIST returns Monday, September 22 at 10PM

Season 2 either begins in Berlin or introduces a new villain named Berlin. Perhaps the new villain named Berlin comes from Berlin and disrupts a planned vacation for the main characters to Berlin. There’s a new antagonist to introduce. NBC wants fans to wonder “Is Red Liz’s father?” Fans speculated about that exact possibility months ago, in the weeks after the premiere. Yes, Red is Liz’s father.

CHICAGO FIRE returns Tuesday, September 23 at 10PM

Death to the main characters! Across the networks shows will kill off a main character. Ratings suck for every network except for CBS. The Simpsons taught folks that struggling shows or networks will add a flashy new character or kill off an existing character for the sake of more eyeballs. A major character will die this season on Chicago Fire.

LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT returns Wednesday, September 24 at 9PM

Warren Leight, executive producer, said Olivia Benson would make choices that’d affect her life. I assume that means Mariska Hargitay will leave the show mid-season. Another character will work the traffic beat in Queens. There’s nothing of note about Ice T’s character. The remaining Dick Wolf shows may cross over this season and beyond.

CHICAGO PD returns Wednesday, September 24 at 10PM

There’s a murder mystery to solve in the season premiere, which is like saying there’s dough in chocolate chip cookies. Crime procedural solves murder mysteries every week; however, every crime procedural reserves its personal murder mysteries for premieres and finales. The Chicago police department will solve the mystery of how one of their own died—and get their answer by season premiere’s end. I inserted the dash for the purpose of drama. It’s a hook.

PARENTHOOD returns Thursday, September 25 at 10PM

NBC revealed a ‘major’ spoiler for Parenthood during Monday’s Emmy Awards. It’s the other major storyline besides ‘a character will die’, though that seems in the cards for Parenthood this season, too.

ABOUT A BOY returns Tuesday, October 14 at 9:30PM

GRIMM returns Friday, October 24 at 9PM

Nick lost his powers in the finale after falling for the classic ‘female nemesis uses magic to look identical to your girlfriend and sleeps with you’ trick. Trubel will kick ass for him while he waits for his abilities to return or while Rosalee concocts an antidote for what happened to him. Greenwalt teased that a piece of mythology introduced in season one and rarely seen since will return. Renard was left dying in the finale. Wu may piece together what’s been happening to him and around him. That will rock. Grimm’s consistently solid.

2014 Fall TV Preview: the Returning Shows on FOX

AMERICAN DAD returns Sunday, September 14 at 9:30PM

American Dad moves to TBS later in 2014. It’ll end the FOX run earlier in the fall. The ‘official’ season begins September 21, but two unaired episdoes will air the 14^th in what’s packaged as a ‘micro-season.’ Somewhere between the 14^th and the 21^st, Roger will pass the bar exam, which will no doubt inspire a new generation of boys and girls to pursue law school.

NEW GIRL returns Tuesday, September 16 at 9PM

Liz Meriwether told Zap2It about the creative struggles of coupling Jess and Nick, which interests me more than whether or not Jess and Nick will re-couple. Meriwether speaks honestly about the struggles of writing, the challenges of show running, in interviews I heard with her. I like that she’s not the pompous sort who boasts ‘Oh, we have an infinite number of stories.’ Well, Veena Sud, no one wanted infinite stories of Cold Case. (Note: I may not remember who said that thing about infinite stories for his or her procedural). Jess and Nick will be single for awhile, which allows the writers more freedom to write more freely with the characters instead of restricting both to one another .

THE MINDY PROJECT returns Tuesday, September 16 at 9:30PM

#301 of The Mindy Project has the title “We’re A Couple Now, Bitches” and I think that’s fantastic. I’ve no idea whether or not the show stopped stumbling around. The title refers to the coupling of Mindy and the abrasive gentleman I met in the “Pilot.” One season three promo shows the two fighting about who plays the submissive role in the bedroom and who plays the dominant role. This, I learned, is not their first roll in the hay together.

SLEEPY HOLLOW returns Monday, September 22 at 9PM

New monsters, including the Pied Piper and some brotha named the Kindred, will bother about with Abbie and Ichabad Crane. The Kindred was created as a mirror image of the Headless Horseman, so he’ll bother about with Abbie and Crane in the non-violent non-obnoxious way. The writers put Benjamin Franklin in the story. Franklin will help Crane and Katrina in their love quest or quest for love or for familial reunion (or all that).

BONES returns Thursday, September 25 at 8PM

A beard for David Boreanaz. Yes. Booth’s bearded because Booth went to prison. Booth went to prison on capital murder charges for killing FBI agents. While in jail, Booth will fight. Booth’s imprisonment tears asunder happily-ever-after with Bones. There’s a conspiracy to untangle, an innocent man to redeem, and love to rekindle. Boreanaz will play all of it wonderfully.

THE SIMPSONS returns Sunday, September 28 at 8PM

The Simpsons movie was released seven years ago, which sparked a new surge in Simpsons’ interest. I make it a yearly tradition to watch the new season until I inevitably stop following the second episode of the season. FXX’s Simpsons marathon produced a renewed energy among the fandom until the latter half of the series began during the early hours of Wednesday morning. The 26^th season premiere will feature a beloved character’s death and Krusty’s possible retirement. I will again try to watch a full season of The Simpsons, but other things may distract me.

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE returns Sunday, September 28 at 8:30PM

Spencer Crittenden, Harmontown’s very own Dungeon master, Dan Harmon’s assistant, star of the forthcoming Harmontown documentary, producer of the tentatively titled Harmonquest, and actor last seen in Community’s “VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing,” will stop by the precinct for nonsense. I think that’s all anyone needs to know about season two. Spencer’s the man.

FAMILY GUY returns Sunday, September 28 at 9PM

A Simpsons cross-over with Family Guy episode kicks off season thirteen. That’s sort of unbelievable. I don’t know why. The idea of Stewie and Bart scheming together or Peter and Homer eating potato chips together seems so very strange. Oh, they’ll brawl, and will not share potato chips.

BOB’S BURGERS returns Sunday, October 5 at 7:30PM

Gene will stage a musical in the premiere, according to Bob’s Burger’s wiki page. The title of the episode is “Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl.” Never expect an episode to start at 7:30. Fans will switch to FOX and the Sunday football crew talking footbaw and man’s time.

2014 Fall TV Preview: the Returning Shows on Cable & Premium Channels

ADULT SWIM

TIM AND ERIC’S BEDTIME STORIES returns Friday, September 19 at 12:15AM

Adult Swim aired a special last year, which went over well, I guess. I recently figured out who the Tim in Tim and Eric is. I still don’t know who Eric is. Tim and Duncan Trussell have a contentious yet friendly dialogue whenever Tim joins Duncan for the Family Hour (or during the old Lavender Hour days). VICE posted an interview with the guys two days ago. Read that if you dig Tim and Eric.

SQUIDBILLIES returns Monday, September 22 at 12:15AM

AMC

THE WALKING DEAD returns Sunday, October 12 at 9PM

Season 5 will not take place entirely from within a freight cart. The gang will hit the road in search for the cure to end the disease. Eventually the two groups will collide. I didn’t think AMC’s Comic Con preview would’ve bothered with Beth, but she’s shown in final minute, doing vague things while a voice uses vague phrases. I think The Walking Dead is an adequate show, but not great. Scott Gimple seems to run the show with more direction and focus than his predecessors. The narrower focus on the scattered characters produced some good, affecting stories.  “The Grove” moved me quite a bit last year. 

COMEDY CENTRAL

ADAM DEVINE’S PARTY HOUSE returns Friday, September 9 at 12:30AM

BRICKLEBERRY returns Tuesday, September 16 at 10:30PM

SOUTH PARK returns September 24 at 10PM

Trey and Matt won’t know what they’re doing for the new season until mid-September. South Park embarks on season eighteen.

KEY & PEELE returns September 24 at 10:30PM

The guys debuted two new sketches at Comic-Con that’ll air during the 11 episode fourth season. They’re currently writing, or did write, or will write, a feature to be directed by Judd Apatow. A kitten is involved in the story.

GABRIEL INGLESIAS PRESENTS STAND UP REVOLUTION returns Friday, October 3 at 11:59PM

FX

SONS OF ANARCHY returns Tuesday, September 9 at 10PM

Kurt Sutter’s tale of biker gang members that once loosely paralleled William Shakespeare’s Hamlet will conclude this year. Perhaps it continues to loosely parallel Hamlet. Parallel may be a poor word to use. Mirror? No. Inspired by? I guess. Jax will avenge Tara’s death during the final season.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: FREAK SHOW returns Wednesday, October 8 at 10PM

Douglas Petrie and Tim Minear write for AHS. Petrie wrote for Buffy, The Vampire Slayer from season three through the final season (season seven), and he also wrote Angel’s third episode, “In the Dark.” Tim Minear wrote and directed for ANGEL from season one until season four. He wrote and directed episodes of Firefly and Dollhouse, too. I don’t particularly like Ryan Murphy’s creative style. I noticed several cast members will return for Freak Show. The last spooky carnival story I watched was Heroes’ last season. It usually doesn’t work out. I know that’s a vague and poorly constructed sentence. What doesn’t usually work out? Freak show storylines, my friends and my well-wishers. The freak show employees will do anything to keep business running while combatting evil forces.

FXX

THE LEAGUE returns September 3 at 10PM

The promos for The League mock post-game press conferences, overbearing head coaches, arrogant star athletes, and grand misuse of ESPN.

ALI G: REZURECTION returns September 3 at 10:30PM

People loved Ali G years ago. No one seems to watch FXX, though. I don’t think people will watch original programming because of The Simpsons marathon.

HALLMARK

THE GOOD WITCH returns Saturday, October 25 at 9PM

The Good Witch has a following in certain circles. The 10 episode season will coincide with the premiere of a seventh Good Witch film—in time for Halloween.

HBO

BOARDWALK EMPIRE returns Sunday, September 7 at 10PM

Terence Winter told Ben Blacker he felt the time was now to end the series because nothing much happens after the events depicted during this final season of Boardwalk Empire.

IFC

COMEDY BANG! BANG! returns Friday, October 17 at 11PM

THE BIRTHDAY BOYS returns Friday, October 17 at 11:30PM

MTV

AWKWARD returns Tuesday, September 23 at 10PM

Awkward continues its fourth season. Yes, the fourth season continues. The mid-season finale, which is a horrible thing that has stuck (no one arrives at chapter 20 of Nabokov’s Glory and puts it down for five months because he or she reached the mid-novel finale), revealed that Eva is pregnant. I don’t know what that means. Pregnancy storylines are the least engaging and interesting for a writer or writers to hatch. It reveals nothing about character, only that the writers gave up.

FAKING IT returns Tuesday, September 23 at 10:30PM

MTV is a miserable channel that develops creatively bankrupt series—series that are dead-on-arrival. Karmy and Jawny might couple during the new season or they may not. Karmy rejected Jawny last season. Oh, the character’s name is Karma. Karmy’s the shipper name. My respectable and well-reputable blog will take a hit for that mistake. Jawny reacted to Karma’s rejection by hooking up with her boyfriend, but they’re still BFFs. What in the heck? Young teenagers and pre-teens of the world, if someone’s shitty to you, that someone is not your friend. MTV television will put forth the idea that your horrible ‘best friend’ that hurts you more than he or she ever cheers you up is a friend. The comments section for a Faking It MTV article revolves around goddamn Karmy and the love lives of these characters.

PBS

MISS MARPLE returns Tuesday, September 21 at 9PM

A BBC import, Miss Marple is an adaptation of Agatha Christie. Three episodes will air. Each episode adapts a different Agatha Christie story. Monty Python spoofed Agatha Christie’s basic murder mystery plot magnificently in a Flying Circus sketch many, many years ago.

FINDING YOUR ROOTS returns Tuesday, September 23 at 8PM

INSPECTOR LEWIS returns Sunday, October 5 at 9PM

CALL THE MIDWIFE returns Sunday, December 28 at 7:30PM

SHOWTIME

HOMELAND returns Sunday, October 5 at 9PM

Alex Gansa promised a radically different series in season four. Damien Lewis left the series. His character did not quite make it out alive last season. Gansa told Entertainment Weekly that Carrie will finally do her job this season. Critics once loved Homeland, but then stopped.

WEB THERAPY returns Monday, October 22 at 11PM

Matthew Perry will take a break from attending Los Angeles Kings games to guest star on Web Therapy this season, along with a few other notable names that includes Jon Hamm, Calista Flockhart, Billy Crystal, and Dax Shepherd.

SYFY

HAVEN returns Thursday, September 11 at 10PM

SyFy ordered 26 episodes for season five. The first thirteen will air this fall, according to Eric Balfour’s Twitter account. Audrey, Duke, and Nathan banished Troublemaker Williams from Haven last season. Troublemaker Williams is a terrific name. There’s more craziness to come in season five. The town’s rendered silent by a mysterious force. Nathan wants to save Audrey from—I assume Troublemaker Williams. Each Haven villain should be a different Troublemaker, every episode and every season.

2014 Fall TV Preview: the Returning Shows on The CW & CBS

Vladimir Nabokov delivered a lecture in Paris during the 1930s. Nabokov received the invite very late. He more or less filled in for an absentee lecturer, if my memory has not completely failed me. Nabokov told an interview he once delivered a lecture to the Hungarian football team and to James Joyce. Nabokov treated his correspondence with Joyce coyly. Nabokov never let interviewers know whom he admired and respected. Richard Ellman described Joyce’s relations with Nabokov as ‘friendly.’ They were friends. Brian Boyd’s wonderful biography leaves the matter to Nabokov, who did not claim Joyce a friend. He claimed that he could not recall his conversation with Joyce during a dinner. Joyce, though, attended Nabokov’s impromptu lecture because he feared his friend would speak before empty seats. If I delivered my 2014 Fall TV preview as an advertised lecture, I know no one would attend. But would any friend of mine attend so that I would not speak to space?

The CW returns with its slew of melodramatic supernatural teen dramas and/or college aged or even slightly more mature dramas than college aged. I dig The CW’s returning lineup.

CBS will eventually air a constant loop of shoe laces and remain America’s most watched network.

THE CW

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES returns Thursday, October 2 at 8PM

Elena takes a witch drug to hallucinate Damon. Damon died last season because he couldn’t make it back from the other side before its elimination. It was convoluted. The Vampire Diaries had a messy fifth season. Bonnie died, too. The college setting hurt the show when the professor morphed into a Victorian villain who experiments on vampires. The season had 3 major villains. Enzo and the twins were fine additions to the show, though. The CW released a 28 second preview of season six. Substance abuser Jeremy will return Son of a gosh darn elm tree. Damon will help Elena move on, but once she does he’ll return, because that’s what Julie Plec writes.

REIGN returns Thursday, October 2 at 9PM

The Black Death will run rampant in season two. I know how the series will end, though I think The CW will alter history so that Mary Queen of Scots rules triumphantly for a millennia. A new princess will come to the kingdom. She’s nasty and likes making other people’s lives miserable.

THE ORIGINALS returns Monday, October 6 at 8PM (NEW NIGHT)

Seven hells. The Original family resurrects in season two. A major plot in The Vampire Diaries was killing The Originals. Does Plec and company need to resurrect every dead character? Haley’s a ravenous hybrid now, pissed at the witches for trying to kill her baby. There’s a new witch in town, who is the mother of The Originals but working within a tiny, petite girl; and Davina works with Mykael (or Mikael), but she’ll also fall for a dreamy male named Caleb. I can’t get past the resurrection of The Original family. If it works in New Orleans, the Mystic Falls crew should easily bring Damon and Bonnie back to life. It’ll happen.

SUPERNATURAL returns Tuesday, October 7 at 9PM

Supernatural will celebrate episode 200 during season ten, titled “Fan Fiction,” and featuring every major character past and present. Jensen Ackles plays evil in season 10. I hope that further deepens his already deeply masculine voice.

ARROW returns Wednesday, October 8 at 8PM

Ra’s Al-Guhl will terrorize Starling City in season three. John Barrowman is a series regular now. One hopes Ms. Willa Holland’s Thea will receive substantive content this season while paired with Malcolm Merlyn. Fans will see the beginning of his correspondence (relationship?) with Amanda Waller in Hong Kong. I’ll guess the writers will do another Suicide Squad episode. Diggle deserves more than two centric episodes this season. There’s one Arrow/Flash crossover confirmed. Arrow’s enjoying a great run. Let’s hope season three tops the awesome and amazing second season.

THE 100 returns Wednesday, October 22 at 9PM

I wrote the other day about mid-season debuts coinciding with my deep plunge into the works of Vladimir Nabokov. I missed The 100. I saw plenty of previews during Arrow and TVD. I saw the pretty blonde goddess type from Australia. For season 2, The 100 did away with The Ark and separated the characters. I understand the cliffhanger left the fates of some characters in the air. So, that’ll resolve in the season premiere.

CBS

THE GOOD WIFE returns Sunday, September 21 at 9PM

Two characters left to start a rival law firm to the main one in the series. Two other characters declared war. I thought the civil war happened last season. Alicia may or may not run for public office.

THE BIG BANG THEORY returns Monday, September 22 at 8PM

The Big Bang Theory actors signed new contracts for the upcoming season and beyond. Sheldon left for a new place via train in the season finale. Oh how I hope the writers draw inspiration from Nabokov’s Pnin (only the train parts). No, nevermind. That’d be disastrous. Sheldon left because of the changes happening around him in his life. Raj not only speaks to women but also has sex with those women. Leonard and Penny became engaged.

NCIS returns Tuesday, September 23 at 8PM

Gary Glasberg wants to concentrate on the team and the family for season 12. Ducky’s origin story happens in episode 3.

PERSON OF INTEREST returns Tuesday, September 23 at 10PM (NEW NIGHT)

A different kind of surveillance system changes things in season 4. It’s called Samaritan. I see what those Person of Interest writers did there. The new surveillance thing forces the team to assume new identities. That has potential.

HAWAII FIVE-0 returns Friday, September 26 at 9PM

Max has a beautiful trainee in season 5. No Michelle Borth, though. The series will gradually bring McGarrett and Danny together in a sexual relationship. Lenkov cut Lauren German once her character and McGarrett’s showed signs of love. Borth’s Christine loved finding missing people in the Middle East more than McGarrett. One thing’s always certain: Wo Fat will appear in the premiere and the finale. McGarrett will search for his mother but never find her.

BLUE BLOODS returns Friday, September 26 at 10PM

Several actors left the series after the season four finale. Several new actors will join the series for season five. I can’t find anything besides casting news Tom Selleck can’t shave the moustache because of CBS.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION returns Sunday, September 28 at 10PM (NEW NIGHT)

One murder mystery will lead to hot sex for two characters. Watch to learn which two characters will enjoy hot sex!

MOM returns Monday, September 29 at 8:30PM

Critics warmed to the series during season one. CBS shows don’t dramatically change season-to-season. I could track down the hooks for the new season, but whatever. Allison Janey and Anna Faris will trade jokes about drug addiction and unprotected sex or something of that sort.

NCIS: LOS ANGELES returns Monday, September 29 at 10PM

Every preview stresses ‘what happened?’ or ‘what will happen?’ Read any author interview at The Paris Review. Can’t show runners and writers interview about process, how hard it can be to outline yet another season of essentially the same old nonsense? Last season of NCIS: Los Angeles ended on a cliffhanger. Season 6 will resolve the cliffhanger.

CRIMINAL MINDS returns Wednesday, October 1 at 9PM

Season 10. Holy hell. Who else knew Jennifer Love Hewitt joined the cast?

2 BROKE GIRLS returns Monday, October 27 at 8PM

TWO AND A HALF MEN returns Thursday, October 30 at 9PM

No more Two and a Half Men after season 12. Would the series bring back Angus and Charlie?

ELEMENTARY returns Thursday, October 30 at 10PM

The show premieres late because of CBS’ NFL Thursday night deal. There’s not much out about season three two months prior to the premiere. If you can’t wait for October 30, go to the library or Project Gutenberg where you can read Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories.