CBS brought back fifteen shows again. Two and a Half Men changed nights, going from Monday to Thursday. The Mentalist will air on Sundays at 10PM now. Aside from those changes, CBS is completely the same. The network is America's Most Watched. Jim Nantz reminds football viewers of this fact every Sunday. It seems pointless to criticize the network or to even poke fun at it. What's there to criticize? What's there to poke fun at? Nearly everything Les Moonves buys finds success. I'll just get on with the preview.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER returns Monday, September 24 at 8PM
This series will never end, will it? Each year, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas answer questions about an end date for the series. Presumably, the show will end after this season. The creative juices are nearly dry. The episodes vary from bad-to-worse-to-awful. The mother question is uninteresting now. The show spun its wheels too long. At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Ted walked by a hot dog stand and Future Ted said the hot dog stand has an interesting story behind it and then 12 weeks later there would be an episode about Ted falling in love with a hot dog that he ate from the stand. The ratings get better each season though. A time existed when fans feared the show would be cancelled. Now, many people want the show to end because each passing episode is worse than the one that came before. Abby Elliott's joining the show for a multi-episode arc as a crazy girl who one of the gang likes more and more the crazier she acts. The finale revealed Barney and Robin will marry in the future. Right now, Barney's in a relationship with Quinn so that'll be an area to untangle. This show sucks now, but I will continue writing about it every week.
2 BROKE GIRLS returns Monday, September 24 at 9PM
2 Broke Girls infuriated TV critics all season. They asked show runner Michael Patrick King during the TCAs in January about the offensive humor he continually employed in the show. King, Dennings and Behrs acted oblivious to what offended the critics in the jokes the show tells. I watched a few episodes and mostly remember the facial jokes and the stereotypical portrayal of an Asian man. The premise hasn't changed. The broke girls are trying to raise money for a cupcake business. Each week they take on jobs and get into adventures. Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs have great chemistry. I don't know what's in store for season two but I know the premiere is titled "And The Pearl Necklace."
MIKE & MOLLY returns Monday, September 24 at 9:30PM
The question on the minds of Mike & Molly fans is: did Mike and Molly get married? I hope that's right. If not, I'll learn the painful lesson that comes with blindly trusting the internet. I never watched the show. I can't find much information about season 3. I assume Mike and Molly eloped because the premiere is titled "The Honeymoon Is Over." The title suggests the episode will explore the difficulties of newly-weds. I imagine the early part of the season will get some stories out the newly-wed angle. I'll remind you that I'm shooting in the dark with my speculation. Boy Meets World married off Cory and Topanga and the aftermath of the wedding sucked to watch. I'm not surprised a CBS sitcom is using this trope.
HAWAII FIVE-O returns Monday, September 24 at 10PM
Season 2 ended with several cliffhangers that'll need to be resolved. McGarrett's mother is back in the fold. Several guest stars are lined up, including Christine Lahti. I have a soft spot for Five-O. I enjoy the characters and the Hawaiian setting. I disliked most of season 2 because it lost what made season 1 a blast to watch. Five-O Producers promise a 'shocking' death, but it'll probably Kono, which will sadden me, because I'm the only Kono fan in America.
NCIS returns Tuesday, September 25 at 8PM
A bomb went off in the season nine finale, but Zap2It's Rick Porter thinks the characters-in-peril will be just fine because they signed brand new contracts. I wonder why a bomb went off in the NCIS offices. Who is behind it? How did it get in? I hope the answers to my questions will be answered in the premiere titled "Extreme Prejudice." If they aren't, I won't even know, because I don't watch the show.
NCIS: LOS ANGELES returns Tuesday, September 25 at 9PM
CBS's website comes through when I needed it! Season 4 will open with Hatty experiencing trouble adjusting to retired life and Callen on suspension. The older woman with glasses who I see in previews is photograph on a boat quizzical. Expect a boat to be involved, some rope, Eric Christian Olsen will hold a cell phone in his hands, LL Cool J is wearing a watch. Exciting things abound in the season 4 premiere, friends and well-wishers. Also, I perused the list of past directors. I approve of them. Terrence O'Hara and James Whitmore Jr. are alums of the Buffyverse.
CRIMINAL MINDS returns Wednesday, September 26 at 9PM
The Criminal Minds team has a new team member. Her name is Alex Blake. In the premiere, they'll investigate a murder committed by a twisted man. I tried to watch a recap video of Criminal Minds but stopped after three minutes. I really thought this show was off the air until I remembered its spinoff is the Criminal Minds that got cancelled.
CSI returns Wednesday, September 26 at 10PM
Ted Danson earned accolades for his performance during season 12. I heard he revitalized the series. I'm looking through pictures of the premiere as I type. Ted Danson WILL investigate a crime scene and will glare menacingly at a male in a prison cell while coated in a greenish glare. Danson's granddaughter will climb through an air-vent while Elisabeth Shue watches. Elisabeth Shue briefly smiles as well, so let's assume the team's handling a gruesome case for 37 of the 41 minutes of episode time. I have no idea how last season ended or what season thirteen has in store. I know Ted Danson will be wearing glasses.
THE BIG BANG THEORY returns Thursday, September 27 at 8PM
The Big Bang Theory's Wiki page has a list of plot points to expect for the upcoming season. Just know the gang will have deal with adult themes this season. I suppose Sheldon will still freak out over an opened can of yogurt he wanted to have. Apparently, he's in a relationship; that should be fun to watch.
TWO AND A HALF MEN returns Thursday, September 27 at 8:30PM
Nearly every returning CBS show has either been on the air for a decade plus or is nearing a decade run. Two and a Half Men enters its tenth season. Holy hell. I watched most of 2001's Texas Rangers, starring James Van Der Beek, Rachel Leigh Cook, Dylan McDermott, Usher and Ashton Kutcher. Aside from the shock that none of their careers became what the info box anticipated for them, with the exception of Usher, Ashton Kutcher played the dopiest cowboy in the history of American cinema. In this show, I assume Kutcher laughs his way through every scene he's in or looks down constantly or gesticulates wildly. Anyway, Miley Cyrus signed on for a two-episode guest stint. Does this mean the kid from See Spot Run will date Miley Cyrus for two episodes?
PERSON OF INTEREST returns on Thursday, September 27 at 9PM
I watched the five minute recap of Person of Interest because I watched two episodes of the procedural drama last fall. Season 1 ended with a woman forcing Finch to shut down the machine. Reese answered a pay phone in the last scene of the video recap. I also saw Amy Acker flee. I meant to watch the season finale because I love Amy Acker. Carter became a more prominent character. The feds tried to close in on Reese. Now, Finch needs to be rescued, Finch needs to run the machine and continue saving lives with his FBI pals.
CSI: NEW YORK returns Friday, September 28 at 8PM
The season nine premiere is titled "Reignited." I hope that's a nod to the series being renewed at the very last minute of CSI: Miami. According to TV Line's Matt Mitovich, season 9 will begin with an arsonist being unleashed on the city.
BLUE BLOODS returns Friday, September 28 at 10PM
The family dealt with legal troubles in season 2. Bridget Moynihan was recruited to investigate her own family, I think. Donnie Wahlberg shot an officer to death but didn't know he shot an officer. Tom Selleck and his moustache ran things from a dinner table or office desk. The CBS recap ended with Selleck contemplating a threat. Blue Bloods fans, feel free to leave angry comments for my lack of information and guesswork. I couldn't find a damn thing about season 3 anywhere I looked.
THE GOOD WIFE returns Sunday, September 30 at 9PM
Kalinda wants to kill her ex-husband and Alicia will defend people only in the season 4 premiere! Kristen Chenoworth will guest star in the premiere while a bunch of drama goes on. Kalinda's relationship with Nate seems unhealthy considering the various Good Wife stories lead with the character's desire to kill him. Is The Good Wife still a beloved show? Is the series 'so last week,' as people in the mid-to-late 90s would say? I think Homeland stole The Good Wife's spotlight.
THE MENTALIST returns Sunday, September 30 at 10PM
Jane shot Red John, but no one is sure whether or not the man he shot is actually Red John. The Red John storyline just continues to chug along, eh? Jane also wants to figure out the connection between Lorelai and Red John. Lorelai is portrayed by the lovely and so-good-looking-it's-unfair Emmanuelle Chriqui. CBS's premiere pictures have been a savior for this post, and the picture of Emmanuelle sitting in a orange prison jumpsuit is by far the best picture I've seen. Also, the main characters will investigate a murder or a kidnapping in the premiere.
THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK
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