The 2012 Summer Re-Watch: Everwood "No Sure Thing" Review

I wrote about teenagers and sex once already in a Dawson's Creek post for "Sex, She Wrote." The WB loved their shows to tell stories about teenagers having sex for the first time. The mandate allowed Brenda Hampton write even more insufferable dialogue and make horrible creative choices like marry off Lucy so she can have sex and then the whole family can talk about Lucy marrying because of sex and what they think of Lucy marrying to have sex and Lucy will deny AND confirm at the same time marrying for sex. No WB shows were preachy like 7th Heaven. Everwood shared a night with 7th Heaven its first two years, and watching the show was like drinking a cure, because everything 7th Heaven tried to be, Everwood excelled at.

"No Sure Thing" is the equivalent of a SexEd course on primetime television; however, when Treat Williams and his beard, along with the talented Greg Smith, Emily Vancamp, and Debra Mooney, are carrying the episode, any preachiness or school room-type atmosphere disappears. I considered writing about Friday Night Light's "I Think We Should Have Sex" several months ago as a way to explore the depiction of sex on TV. I'd love to praise "No Sure Thing" for handling the topic of sex as deftly and maturely as FNL, but it doesn't. Last week's episode bugged me because it resembled a horrible Lifetime movie. "No Sure Thing" resembles a slightly less awful Lifetime episode. The show was geared towards family and teens, so most of the scenes basically instruct parents and child on how to deal with the uncomfortable topic of sex.

Educating the viewer isn't wrong, but the viewer can be educated in more original ways. Everwood tries to bring 'edge' to the series in the Ephram storyline, but he's still face-to-face with his father in a scene that Everwood seems to suggest should be common in most households. The series produced a far better episode about sex in season three, titled "Need To Know." The writers probably learned from the mistakes of "No Sure Thing." Andy and Amy's scene about birth control is a FYI scene full of facts and questions and affirmations. Amy repeatedly says she's ready to have sex, to take birth control, knows the risks, etc. She even threatens Andy by telling him she'll go to Denver for Planned Parenthood birth control prescription, which is an overt way of warning the parents watching that if they don't address sex and protection with their child, he or she could be at Planned Parenthood RIGHT NOW getting condoms and birth control. Andy does blood work on her because he plans on writing a prescription to her.

Edna catches wind of the secret doctor's appointment when she hears from a lab about Amy's blood work. Doctor and nurse argue about the ethical code of treating someone's daughter without their knowledge, someone's granddaughter in the very practice the grandmother works, and Andy threatens to fire her if she discusses Amy's medical case outside of the office with Harold. Andy's always going to piss people off with his decisions as a doctor. Andy treats people, every kind of person, no matter how controversial treatment can be, and he gets hell for it. Edna directs her rage towards Andy as parent and attempts to get him to think about how he'd feel if Ephram went to Harold in secret. Andy flatly states that Ephram is not having sex yet; therefore, it is not an issue. Oh, Andy. You fool of a bearded took.

Of course, Ephram's having sex, and of course Andy will piece together the clues just in time for a verbal throwdown in the Brown Kitchen. "No Sure Thing" advises against arrogance. Don't be the arrogant parent whose confident and self-assured enough to think little Nadezhda or little Rusty isn't buying condoms or getting under the covers with the dickhead kid from down the block. If you are, you're arrogance will bite you. Ephram lied to his father about a poker game because Madison's roommate left town for the weekend, and Bright told Ephram that 'roommate is out of town' is code for fornication. Ephram fails. Madison kicks him out when she learns what kind of bad advice he took from Bright. The next day, Andy runs into Bright and Harold at the market, where he learns Ephram never played poker and then pieces everything together: Ephram might be having sex.

Andy barely heard Ephram about the poker game because he was nervous about asking his kids if they'd mind Linda sleeping over. Amy, Ephram and Andy all have sex on their minds. Andy wants to take the next step with Linda because he loves her. Ephram's a teenage boy. Amy wants to get the experience over with because she's resigned herself to disappointment because Colin's not alive anymore, and she always wanted her first time to be with him. The differences between maturity and immaturity in regards to love are as wide as the distance between Mercury and Jupiter. Linda scares herself away from intimacy with Andy, unwilling to potentially cause more pain to him and his family if her disease worsens, but Andy knows the risks and wouldn't take it if he didn't feel his relationship with Linda was worth it. The teenagers are oblivious to risks. They simply have raging hormones.

The risks and consequences of sex are the ones the adults are concerned about their children knowing. One's loss of virginity is depicted as a tragic event, full of regret and pain, and a spontaneous reaction to stimuli, not an act thought through and weighed. Madison, young as she is, emphasizes the necessity for the experience to be special. Amy's opinion would horrify her grandmother; she just wants to get it over with, like it's a scary rollercoaster she needs to conquer. "Everything changes" opines Irv in the narration, after a couple has sex, and Amy and Ephram haven't processed that. If Amy slept with Tommy, it'd probably worsen her condition. She doesn't because he confessed his dealings of drugs. Ephram eventually copulates with Madison, a day after an embarrassing moment during a physical makeout session, in his car, which is parked at The Point, an iconic place for Everwood teens much like Ephram and Madison, where everything will change for Ephram and Madison eventually.

Each story has its great moment, though. The sex ed aspect is a bit much, but Everwood found the heart in all of their stories. For Amy's, it's the moment when she tears up at the thought of her first time being without Colin. For Andy, it's his impassioned speech to Linda about taking a risk. For Ephram, it's when Madison tells him about her first time and how badly the experience made her feel, to which Ephram responds by telling her he wanted to be there for because he can't stand the thought of her unhappiness. As a whole, the difference between "No Sure Thing" and its sequel "Need To Know" is characterization. Moments of frankness with sexuality feels forced between characters whereas the moments are natural within the storytelling. Maybe The WB wanted an episode about teenage sex, but the writers weren't ready, and therefore missed. So, anyway, watch "Need To Know."

Other Thoughts:

-Amy's clued into Tommy's hobby, so it shouldn't be too long before the relationship goes to a bad place.

-Amy said she had a date with Orlando Bloom in response to Tommy's question about her plans for Saturday. Wow. 8 years goes by and an Orlando Bloom reference seems dated. What fictional teenage girl would dream of a date with Orlando in 2012?

-Bright's line about thanking God and praying not to screw up when a girl agrees to sex was awesome. Bright's used in small doses. Chris Pratt always stole his few scenes. No wonder he's a star now.

UP NEXT: "The L Word"--Ephram tells Madison he loves her. Uh-oh. Watch the episode on Amazon.

THE YOUTUBE CLIP OF THE WEEK