Game Of Thrones "The Old Gods and the New" Review

Oh shit! OH SHIT!!! OH SHIT!!!!

"The Old Gods and the New" is a very interesting title to choose for the sixth hour of Game of Thrones. Religion in Westeros isn't a popular topic in any writer's weekly reviews of the show. The Melisandre scene in which she burned the Seven in "The North Remembers" didn't receive commentary from any of the widely read critics. There's a great divide between those who believe in the old gods and those who believe in the new gods. And a greater divide exists between those who worship no gods at all, the ones who worship power and money first and foremost, like the Thirteen, Joffrey and Theon Greyjoy. Religion doesn't make one righteous or good though. It's strange to begin a review in which no one uttered the word god but, hey, I don't come up with the titles. I don't think it's a matter of which god is better or anything like that. The title suggests that we consider Westeros as a place where both are worshipped and where so many different types of people walk the earth with who knows what in their heads.

Theon Greyjoy is a massive bastard. His plan to take Winterfell went rather well though. Bran's dream happened: the sea came to Winterfell (and on a miserable rainy day fittingly). Luwin sent a raven to Robb Stark before the Iron Men captured him. Theon woke Bran in his bed and told him to yield. Bran refused. Theon repeated his request. Bran refused. Theon threatened to hurt the people of Winterfell if Bran continued his refusal. Bran yielded in front of his people, for all of Winterfell to hear. Theon strutted around like a cocky frat boy on a Friday night. Another group of Iron Men brought Rodrick in to see Theon. Rodrik defiantly addressed Theon and spit in his face, disgusted by his treachery. Ned Stark raised the Greyjoy ward as one of his own; Robb and Theon were like brothers. Theon shouted his disagreement and ordered Rodrick be taken to the cell. Dagmar Cleftjaw told him to take care of Rodrik the Iron Way instead. Bran and Rickon wailed and let out horrified screams as Theon struggled to take Rodrik's head off. This struggle to behead Rodrik represented much about Theon, and I'll leave that for people to debate themselves. The one absolute takeaway from this insane ten minute scene is this: Theon Greyjoy is dangerous and damn-near out of his mind and capable of anything. Alfie Allen absolutely nailed his most important scene in the series thus far.

Osha used her Wilding wits to lure Theon into bed in the evening. She feigned betrayal because she wanted to help Bran, Rickon and Hodor escape from Winterfell. Osha used her sexuality to get Theon into bed. As he slept, she slunk out of bed, killed a guard easily, and ushered the three boys out of Winterfell. Robb received word at his camp about Theon's betrayal. Roose Bolton delivered the news and told Robb he'd send word to his bastard son at the Dreadfort to take back King's Landing. Robb agreed but requested Theon be returned to him alive so he could ask "why?" before cutting his head off in the Stark way. Roose insisted Robb not lose sight of the war either. Robb, it seems, took Bolton's advice.

Osha isn't the lone Wildling woman in "The Old Gods and the New." North of the Wall, in the Frost Fangs, Qhorin, Jon and the rest of the group attacked three Wildlings. Two of the men were killed. The third Wilding turned out to be a woman named Ygritte. Jon volunteered to cut her head off, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Ygritte escaped, but Jon eventually caught her. Night was near and his men were far from him (as they were ascending a mountain, if I recall correctly). Ygritte isn't like the women south; she is a free woman and kissed by fire. Indeed, she is a little firecracker. Jon sleeps behind her to keep warm. Ygritte uses this closeness to grind herself against his groin. Jon tells her to stop twice. Ygritte smiles to herself and doesn't. I won't lie; I have A LOT to write about Ygritte, but not yet. Jon requested to join the Halfhand to gain experience and become a true ranger, to grow and learn, and, well, he'll gain experience and learn and grow in ways he would've never dream of, if their last scene is any indication.

Meanwhile, the citizens of King's Landing piss on any gods, kings, queen regents, guardsmen, and ladies of royalty when their king isn't feeding them and the city reeks of shit and looks like shit. The king, queen regent, the prince, and an entire entourage bid adieu to Myrcella, who's on her way to Dorne. A mob scene erupts as the band of royalty returns to the castle. Desperate people engage in desperate acts. The High Septon is literally torn apart (that's how much gods mean when people are hungry and suffering). Sansa is nearly raped. Joffrey's hit in the face by a rock covered in shit. It is a chaotic scene. Once everyone's secure from the crowds, Tyrion LOSES it on Joffrey. He yells at his nephew about why HIS people attacked him. Joffrey yelled for their heads. Tyrion was enraged that the king would react to his people in such an insane, sadistic way. The internet is already celebrating the slap but let's not overlook the thematic importance of the scene: Joffrey can't keep his city peaceful. How in the world is he going to win this war?

Daenerys beseeches the Thirteen for ships to take her and her people to Westeros where she'll reclaim the Iron Throne. The Spice King engages her in a long lecture about how little thought she gave to reclaiming the throne. Dany counts on those in Westeros sympathetic to her claim. The Spice King rejects her request for ships. Dany engages HIM in a lecture about why and how her dreams come true; she cites the hatching of her dragons, how everyone thought she went mad when she walked into the fire where her husband and the Mirri Maz Duur burned. The Spice King smiles and refuses her request for ships once more. The Spice King is a so and so but he articulates excellent points. Dany doesn't have an army, lacks a plan, and thinks the trust of Illyrio Mopatis should be enough for the rest of Essos to trust her. Let's not forget how young Daenerys is. During season one, I expected the season to end on her and her Khal leading the Dothraki into Westeros. George RR Martin isn't interested in shortcuts though. Daenerys is full of conviction and fire, but she can be stupid; this stupidity in front of the Thirteen ends in dragon-napping. Indeed, her dragons are gone.

At Harrenhal, Lord Tywin emphasizes the importance of knowing how to read. Something so small as knowing to read can be the difference between life and death. The guard that Lord Tywin admonishes for sending a letter to the Starks, because he can't read, finds Arya with a letter about Robb. Of course, he can't read. Arya runs to Jaqen before the guard rats Arya out to Tywin. The second of her three deaths are used. Sure, fans will want her to name Joffrey or Cersei, but be smart. Arya is far from King's Landing. She's trying to survive. The letter she stole says Robb will be near Harrenhal by the week's end. Arya's face lights up when she reads the letter. Language is becoming a weapon for her. She need only say a name to kill someone, to be a ghost, and she need only read a letter to be full of hope that her fortunes will change. I'd love nothing more than to see Arya reunite with her brother and mother. There's not much hope in this episode, but heck, I'll take it.

Other Thoughts:

-Littlefinger visited Harrenhal to negotiate a deal between the Tyrells and Lannisters. Tywin dismisses Arya before we hear his answer. Littlefinger caught a good look of Harrenhal and smirked before pitching Tywin Cat's terms for Jaime's release. Also learned at Harrenhal: Jaime didn't learn to read easily.

-Dany rejected Xaro's marriage proposal. She also learned that Qarth is not a paradise after all. More of her men died in Qarth than in The Red Waste. I felt sad when I saw Irri’s dead. Doreah’s the lone girl left.

-The Hound rescued Sansa from being raped by three men. Later, Sansa told Shae how she truly felt about Joffrey. Shae advised her not to trust anyone, not even her maiden.

-Robb flirted with Lady Telisa a bit more tonight. Cat returned just in time to witness her son flirting with a woman from Old Volantis. Robb theorized that Telisa is a noble lady, high-born maybe, and Telisa didn't deny this. Cat looked curiously at her. Cat also reminded Robb of his promise to the Freys: he is promised to another. Cat insisted he must pay that debt.

-I'm in love with Rose Leslie's Ygritte already. Yes, this is the second time this season I've come to love a red-headed woman. I'm a man who also loves the silver-haired Daenerys Targaryen and the brunette Margaery Tyrell. Anyway, Ygritte's one of my favorite characters from the book. I referenced her in my season premiere review. I did not fall for Rose Leslie's hair color as much as I fell for her Scottish accent.

-The 'Oh Shit' in the beginning is about the Winterfell opening scene. I imagine I'll write more about Winterfell in the next two weeks.

-Vanessa Taylor wrote the episode. David Nutter directed it.

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